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Funny, Quotes
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Tired of the hogwash that inspirational quotes try to feed you? Sickened by motivational quotes’ mushy tone? Well then, you are absolutely not alone! For we, too, would rather twist an ankle than read another excerpt like that. Thus, we shall join our forces and our prowess for the unconventional and find the most comfortable middle ground in these Demotivational quotes of which we’ve gathered loads, and each of them is as good a mockery as any!
So, what should you expect from these demotivational quotes? Will they take your life force away from you with their contemptuous words? Or maybe they will rip all the joy out of your breath? Well, neither! What these non-quotes about life will do is make you laugh in that very ironic way where your face makes a sneer and embers of amusem*nt start to dance in your eyes. By and large, though, these snarky quotes are actually inspiration masked in a ghillie suit of ornery words that should be read as irony. But you, of course, already know that and will read these silly quotes as a source of entertainment, rather than wishing to actually bring yourself down.
However, we should probably stop wasting our precious time with this gabble and skip straight to the real deal here - our wonderful, mesmerizing, and truly glorious selection of demotivational quotes. They are, as you might know very well by now, just an iota down below. Once you are there, do not forget to give these cool quotes your vote and share this article with your like-minded snarky friends.
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#1
“Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions.” - Marion G. Harmon
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J Rob J Rob Community Member Follow
Love It!
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#2
“Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person, so… maybe calm down.”
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The Panarchist (He/They) The Panarchist (He/They) Community Member Follow
So what you’re saying is maybe I shouldn’t spend all my college savings on a trip to Mount Everest?
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#3
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” - Alan Dundes
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Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member Follow
Trump appears bright because every day he gets freshly painted with Ronseal fence protector.
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#4
“Just because we accept you as you are doesn’t mean we’ve abandoned hope you’ll improve.”
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Eat Dirt Crow Eat Dirt Crow Community Member Follow
This one is quite inspirational. I'll have to remember this one.
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#5
“Idiocy – never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
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Christina Keenan Christina Keenan Community Member Follow
The movie "Idiocracy" has come true
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#6
“If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry. It will try again tomorrow.”
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Maj L Maj L Community Member Follow
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, you're only a day away!
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#7
“People who say they’ll give 110% don’t understand how percentages work.”
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Raven DeathShade Raven DeathShade Community Member Follow
"Engines are working at 110 percent, which is a little weird, but a bit of overkill never killed anybody." (If you get this quote, you get a cookie. A digital one, clearly. I don't know where you live).
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#8
“A thousand-mile journey starts with one step. Then again, so does falling in a ditch and breaking your neck.”
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The Panarchist (He/They) The Panarchist (He/They) Community Member Follow
There’s a point there-
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#9
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” - Albert Einstein
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Laura Brown Laura Brown Community Member Follow
Humans will forever assert their right to be stupid
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#10
“If you never try anything new, you’ll miss out on many of life’s great disappointments”
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Lulxby Lulxby Community Member Follow
True
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#11
“If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” - W.C. Fields
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Eat Dirt Crow Eat Dirt Crow Community Member Follow
If at first you don't succeed, maybe skydiving isn't for you
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#12
“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” - Ashleigh Brilliant
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Alex Hilbish Alex Hilbish Community Member Follow
This is a brilliant quote! .... I'll see myself out.
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#13
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday, and look how that turned out.”
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Ansi Ansi Community Member
This is acctually inspiring for my procrastination. Tomorrow will NOT be a better day to do things. It's just like today. So you might as well do it today instead of tomorrow or after the weekend. I will NOT get some magical inspiration after the weekend, it wont be a better day. Just the same. So better do it today.
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#14
“Just because you are unique doesn't mean you are useful.”
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Zophra Zophra Community Member Follow
I really like this one.
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#15
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
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Adam L Adam L Community Member Follow
I just want to go to a place where everybody knows my name...
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#16
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.” - W.C. Fields
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Mistralok Mistralok Community Member Follow
Shoot, beet me to it. Sorry
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#17
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” - Margaret Mead
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Nathaniel Nathaniel Community Member Follow
"You’re ALL individuals!"
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#18
“Multitasking – the art of doing twice as much as you should half as well as you could.”
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A Jones A Jones Community Member Follow
And only being paid the amount for one task during the same time period.
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#19
“The story so far: In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” - Douglas Adams
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Mistralok Mistralok Community Member Follow
“A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.” -DA-
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#20
“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” – William Goldman
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Sydney-Kate Sydney-Kate Community Member Follow
If you love the movie, READ THE BOOK! I had to read it for school and it was the only book I’ve ever actually wanted to read
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#21
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” - Dorothy Parker
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David Butler David Butler Community Member Follow
Point made, mic drop, dab out.
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#22
“When life knocks you down, stay there and take a nap.”
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Laura Brown Laura Brown Community Member Follow
Sounds good to me...I love naps
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#23
“Nothing says ‘you’re a loser’ more than owning a motivational poster about being a winner.”
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LagoonaBlueColleen LagoonaBlueColleen Community Member
Every sales and marketing office ever
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#24
“Not everything is a lesson. Sometimes you just fail.” - Dwight Schrute
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Mer Mellow Mer Mellow Community Member Follow
one sec.. let me show this to my teacher...
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#25
“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.” - Lemony Snicket
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-mafīafrog- -mafīafrog- Community Member Follow
This is my new favorite quote
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#26
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.” - Bette Midler
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LagoonaBlueColleen LagoonaBlueColleen Community Member
That is true, ain't it. ... I'm gonna start being proud of those who deserve success.
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#27
“Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.”
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Laura Brown Laura Brown Community Member Follow
Pretending I have it all together is exhausting, so I don't do that...🤪🤪
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#28
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.”
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J J Community Member Follow
Wow - this is a good one.
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#29
“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
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Laura Brown Laura Brown Community Member Follow
And full of potholes
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#30
“The reward for good work is more work”. – Francesca Elisia
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Kat Rob Kat Rob Community Member Follow
punitive rewards
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#31
“There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.”
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Blur Davis Blur Davis Community Member Follow
Yeah a good whole bucket load if them too
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#32
“Go ahead and take risks – it gives the rest of us something to laugh at.”
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Erika Vanheck Erika Vanheck Community Member Follow
Hold my beer
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#33
“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.” - John Benfield
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Auntriarch Auntriarch Community Member Follow
And if they were crossed you'd end up with weagles
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#34
“Raise your hand if you have had quite enough unsolicited advice about what should be done with any lemons that life may or may not give you.”
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Eat Dirt Crow Eat Dirt Crow Community Member Follow
Unless life gives you water and sugar, that's going to be some crappy lemonade.
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#35
“There’s always someone on Youtube that can do it better than you.”
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LagoonaBlueColleen LagoonaBlueColleen Community Member
There's always someone who can do it better, and someone who can do it worse.
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#36
“It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.” - Harry Hill
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Olgierd Wiśniewski Olgierd Wiśniewski Community Member Follow
This makes sense, some problems appear only when we are looking for them
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#37
“Every day is Friday when you’re unemployed.”
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LagoonaBlueColleen LagoonaBlueColleen Community Member
People still, traditionally, work Friday. It would make more sense to say it's always Saturday.
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#38
“You’re naturally funny because your life is a joke.”
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Mer Mellow Mer Mellow Community Member Follow
And I took that personally🥲😂
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#39
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. So good luck with that.”
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harry Henderson harry Henderson Community Member Follow
Life is a joke but you missed punchline
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#40
"Challenging yourself... is a good way to fail." - Dom Mazzetti
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LostSage LostSage Community Member Follow
This also goes with trying something new, however, while both challenging oneself and trying new things might be a good way to fail in the short term... they are also both great to succeed in the long term.
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Mistralok Mistralok Community Member Follow
Failure is a good thing in the grand scheme of things. Without failures in some form there would be no evolution and we would not exist. Here is a story of a good one: Alexander Fleming was doing research on ways to cure disease. He failed over and over again. He used petri dishes to spread and grow bacteria on them and study the reactions. After each try (and failure) the dishes would be cleaned and completely sterilized and he would try again. He left the cleaning to one of his subordinates. He placed a new batch into an incubator and left for holiday. When he came back and inspected them he was disappointed. (pissed off!) The petris hadn't been cleaned and sanitized properly and they were covered with mold. He was tossing them out when he noticed something. Where the mold grew, the bacteria did not. This was how penicillin was discovered. This particular f**k up has saved millions of lives.
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Peter H Peter H Community Member Follow
“No good deed goes unpunished” - that one has proven itself true for me time and time again.
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Curry on... Curry on... Community Member Follow
One of my favs: I tried to keep an open mind, and all my brains fell out.
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Mistralok Mistralok Community Member Follow
Failure is a good thing in the grand scheme of things. Without failures in some form there would be no evolution and we would not exist. Here is a story of a good one: Alexander Fleming was doing research on ways to cure disease. He failed over and over again. He used petri dishes to spread and grow bacteria on them and study the reactions. After each try (and failure) the dishes would be cleaned and completely sterilized and he would try again. He left the cleaning to one of his subordinates. He placed a new batch into an incubator and left for holiday. When he came back and inspected them he was disappointed. (pissed off!) The petris hadn't been cleaned and sanitized properly and they were covered with mold. He was tossing them out when he noticed something. Where the mold grew, the bacteria did not. This was how penicillin was discovered. This particular f**k up has saved millions of lives.
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Peter H Peter H Community Member Follow
“No good deed goes unpunished” - that one has proven itself true for me time and time again.
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Curry on... Curry on... Community Member Follow
One of my favs: I tried to keep an open mind, and all my brains fell out.
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